" Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-- of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:15
Self doubt. Inadequacies. Inability to be used. Sinful.
It is currently 4 AM on Thursday and we are T-MINUS 6 hours to leaving for the airport and counting. (eeeek!) You are absolutely correct if your thoughts right now are "why is she still up?" "she must still be packing" "will she sleep at all?" etc. All of those things should be keeping me very busy right now, however as I was planning for a team exercise I began to feel doubtful of how I might be used by God and comparing my abilities to others.
Over the past few weeks the Lord has shown me the gifts and talents that each of the members, and it has been so encouraging. To see how those gifts are connections that can be made with the Thai students and so many other ways to bless others. But feelings that "they will be used and I will not" creep in and once again my thought is: God, why are you sending me when there are so many capable people on this team? Until I was reminded by this verse from Paul who, in full gospel-humility, reminds that we are all sinful--in the past and present.Even Paul, one of the greatest disciples, know full well that he is just as equally sinful and broken as the unbeliever. To be mindful of that is to remember to see everyone with Jesus' eyes, as God's children but broken and sinful in need of salvation. Admittedly, my pride is huge and Satan has used it against myself and other team members on multiple occasions to create feelings of jealousy.
Please pray that
1. we will all be filled with gospel-humility (humble by the saving grace of the gospel that is relavant to all)
2. our hearts will be guarded from feelings of doubt but instead will be emboldened by our confidence in God and the Holy Spirit
3. for the hands of Satan to be bound and away from the team as we travel later today
thank you all for your immense love and support! My laundry is finishing up any minute now...